spasms of the heart, a reprise

many of you who are faithful followers of Apple Cheeks Mcgillicutty already know of our recent medical concerns.  in Spasms of the Heart, i explained that our little apple cheeks had developed some concerning symptoms over the past month or so which ultimately led us to a trip to the neurologist.

and, then, an EEG.

and then, back to the neurologist, her pediatrician, a food consultant, and, soon, to a specialist at Children's Hospital.

that was a few weeks ago.

this past week, emma was at the doctor on thursday and friday. at the hospital on sunday. and will go back to the doctor tomorrow, monday.

needless to say, as her parents we are beside ourselves with worry, exhaustion, and overwhelmedness. we struggle to ensure that in the midst of all of this, emma has a "normal" childhood. that she is able to play, rest, eat, and feel the abundance of love that we have for her, even though she feels ill.

whether we are succeeding or not, i can't be sure.

all i know is that we'll never stop trying to give her all that we are in every instant.

i am sure that most parents feel compelled to do the same. children, childhood, that innocence, that unabashed joy, is so fragile and so easily squandered or squelched by experience or adults who don't realize the treasure it is. 

i was reminded of this recently as i sat in a waiting room for yet another doctor appointment for emma and watched another mother with her 1 year old daughter. i was struck by how many times in the 10 minutes we shared that space, that the mother told her daughter "no," "stop that." "enough," "what did i say?" when all the child was doing was exploring, asking for attention, feeling needy, and wanting affection.

it crushed me to watch another child beg for, yet not receive, what my husband and i attempt to shower emma with daily.

perhaps we do it because emma's physiological fragility is so apparent to us on a daily basis. perhaps we do it because that's the kind of parents we have chosen to be. i don't know.

all i know is that we will continue to do so, every day, EEG or not, doctor's appointment or not, therapy session or not, achievement or falling behind. we will love her, praise her, celebrate with her, engage her, and treasure her with all of the abundance we have in ourselves to give.

. . .

for those of you curious about the outcome of the EEG - it was normal! but, we have to pursue other avenues to accurately determine what is causing emma's symptoms, which the doctors agree, aren't "normal."

despite the positive outcome, the process of undergoing an EEG - like many procedures of late, from vaccinations, to eye exams, to the EEG, have been challenging. 

somehow, though, emma always gets through them (seemingly less scathed than her mama and dada who suffer heartache each time).

the EEG

the eye exam: emma seemed to like having her pupils dialated (at least at first!)