"millions of fingers, millions of thumbs, millions of monkeys drumming on drums"

and so goes one of emma's favorite books.

"dum dity, dum dity, dum dum dum. so many monkeys drumming on drums!"

the exaltation!

she giggles when we read it. she practically bowls over in laughter when mommy tries to put a tune to it.

. . .

my sister recently shared with me a video she captured on her cell phone. it was of me, singing unabashedly to emma, as we read that Doctor Seuss book. and, again, as emma rode her Rody Pony (if you don't know what it is, you must Google it, and then buy it for the young child in your life. So fun for typical and special needs children alike!).

i watched the video in half embarassment and half awe.

who was that woman singing so freely and openly and happily? Without a care in the world?

. . .

i was struck recently by something a friend said to me. she mentioned that she loved a Buddhist (i think) notion that as people, we go leaking out little pieces of ourselves in any given moment. pieces, aspects of self that we aren't necessarily intentionally showing the world, or are even unaware of perhaps. but, we leak out those aspects of ourselves and a watchful eye, a careful study, might catch a glimpse of us that we didn't know was unshrouded, left open and vulnerable for others to discover.

when i watched that video the other day, it struck me how much joy and childlike glee was "leaking" out that i didn't necessarily know i felt in the moment - as i recall it, i was more driven by and focused on a desire to entertain and educate my daughter.

. . .

my husband and i have been massaging the idea of having another child.  as we've done so we have talked over every work/life/financial scenario. we've discussed the pros and the cons. we've identified our fears and our hopes.

but, i am not sure we've really assessed fully the degree to which these wonderous, joyful, and contented aspects of ourselves - who we may not have known as clearly before emma - are rising up, coming to the surface, and slowly leaking out in our daily interactions with our little apple cheeks, with each other, with the world. how much she has caressed our souls and called upon our best selves to be present in the daily

"hum drum. hum drum. hum drum hum...."

. . .

"so many monkeys drumming on drums. dum ditty. dum ditty. dum, dum, dum."